I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
