She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
