Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
