Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
