Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
