Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
