Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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