you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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