I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
