yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
