I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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