dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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