dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
