A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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