You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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