At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
