I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
