I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
