I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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