i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I think your dad took our porno
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
