i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
