im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
