Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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