I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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