tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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