You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
