Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
