I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
