I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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