meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just google imaged poop.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
