She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
