Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
