we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
