omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
