I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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