Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
