dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I still have a little drunk in my system
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
