He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
