So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
