He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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