"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
