For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
