One girl and one boy is just not enough.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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