Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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