Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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