I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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