The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
