Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
