So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
