She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
