It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
