sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i think my cat just said my name.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You left your phone here
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