Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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