Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
