Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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